Weirdos
by SpellboundWinter
Summary: "Why do you think I read these books? I like hearing about other people's relationships. Then I compare it to mine and I feel so terrible. I know I shouldn't but I do." Twebecca.


**TweekxRebecca ...Literally it was the only thing I could write without my brain shutting down.**

**Damn writer's block. *shakes fist***

**Just a little view in someone's life for a moment for humorous results. (LOL, not really I suck at anything comedy related) :D**

* * *

With two coffee cups in hand, I leaned into the door of the public library. I took a few steps inside and the first thing that hit me was the smell. It hurt my lungs, like toxic air.

Okay, maybe I was exaggerating, but nobody goes to the library anyways.

I owe three hundred bucks for a book fine from when I was eight and I don't think my girlfriend could even help with that.

Besides she's a real book worm.

Rebecca Cotswolds is a nerd, admittedly but she's a cute nerd. I thought I would surprise her with a little coffee and keep her company until her shift was over. But she didn't like coffee. At all. She liked mint mochas.

She only likes mint.

I ambled over to the counter. Seated in behind a desk, her face was hidden behind a paperback. Rebecca had her nose stuck in a small book with a deep flush across her cheeks. I didn't want to disturb her… That was until I read what she was holding.

'The Last Seduction'? Sounds a little risqué for her tastes.

It even had a half naked man and a woman in a red dress. Huh. I cleared my throat but she still read on, biting her nails, her eyes going back and forth like a possessed typewriter.

"Miss Librarian?"

She hummed, "W-w-what?

"Can you give me a recommendation on a book?"

"U-uhm, I'm a little busy at the momen-" Her eyes met mine. She flailed, the book nearly shooting out of her hands. "Tweek?! What are you doing here?!" Rebecca fumbled and clamored with the book nervously before tucking it away under her arms. "O-oh, cheese and crackers! I wasn't expecting you."

"I got you a mint mocha." I held out the cup, leaning against the desk.

She brightened, reaching out for it, trying to hide the book nonchalantly. Rebecca planted a kiss on my cheek. "T-thank you my little Tweeky."

I brushed away a bit of whip cream from my mouth, placing a chaste kiss on her lips. "No pressure." I smiled, intrigued. "Whatcha reading?"

"N-nothing," She twitched, pulling the paperback closer. "Just a stupid book."

"If it's so stupid can't I see?" I slinked a hand onto her hand, trying to sneak a peek at the 'stupid book'. She pressed it further into her body, curling away subtly. "Can't you tell your, 'little Tweeky'?"

"N-no!" she flushed even more. "I-I can't…"

"But you're my girlfriend," I teased. "I'd tell you _anything_."

Her lip puckered. "O-oh… Tweek, don't ma-make me feel bad." Rebecca lifted the book, blushing furiously and hiding behind it. I think she had done it unintentionally. She was always hiding behind things.

I snatched it up. "Is it good?"

"Ngh," Was her response with a little twitch accompanying it. "Please d-don't."

I cracked open the book where a page was neatly folded over. With a quick clear of my throat I began:

"…Isabella took in another breath, pressing her fears to the back of her mind-"

Rebecca's head snapped up as she jittered after me. My height at an advantage. I pushed her top of her head jokingly. I was over six feet and she was only five foot something. "Tweek, stop it! It isn't funny!"

"…And lovemaking was like a rough sea and her body was the simple boat, ebbing and flowing until she was pressed under by Maxwell-"

She hopped up, trying to grab at the book as I read on. "Maxwell was well endowed." My eyebrow went up, skimming until I found the naughty bits. "…Touching of the most sensitive of places, her wish is for him… to… fill her up?" I said almost questioningly, sending her a look.

She peered at me horrified. Her cheeks stained red, matching her hair clips.

Then suddenly, the frizzy haired girl went into a squealing fit. Rebecca climbed onto her desk, nearly knocking over her coffee onto the computer. "Give me that! Yo-you lecherous thief!"

I took the initiative, snatching her up in my arms. The sudden action elicited a loud scream from her. "Gah! Put me down!" I went stumbling, trying desperately to keep a grip on the wiggle worm and my coffee.

I went staggering up to the rickety, faux wood desk and plopped her onto it. And guess what? She still had a death grip on that dishrag.

"Reading smut of the job? Who's the lecherous one now?"

She crossed her leg curtly, straightening out her skirt. "I-I-I have… b-books and I read them. It's completely normal."

"Mmhm." I hummed, guzzling the rest of my coffee.

"It is!" holding the sides of her face, the poodle girl's voice raised a couple octaves. "I saw y-you stick your _thing_ in my coffee maker and I didn't speak a word!"

...I had to try _not_ to spit up coffee. Oh my god, she actually saw that. "AGH! I-i-it was only that one time!"

She turned a deeper red color, her voice getting more and more high pitched. "Y-you were interacting in coitus with my machine. A machine! You love that thing more than me." She crossed her arms, lips pursing.

"I do not." I spat back, my arms folding as well. I was mimicking her and I really didn't realize it.

The poodle haired girl shimmied off her desk and a finger jabbed into my chest. "Do I have to remind you of the one day that you decided… to initiate intercourse you tried to use a coffee filter as a condom? Or that day that you want to use coffee beans to-"

Oh my...

If I could be struck down now would be the time. God, if you can hear me, I'd like a few ten billion watts to the head please.

"Hey, t-t-that was just experimenting!" I stammered, feeling a cold sweat collect on my forehead. "Y-you kn-know just... uh, well, I mean, everyone gets a little curious about stuff and-"

I agree, I'm into a... few weird things.

It's like I'm not directed in the right signal. Like rabbit ears on a TV, I'm not tuned into anything in particular.

"You're not a scientist! Last time I heard, experimenting doesn't include coffee in the bedroom." she screeched. "Pervert! You're a pervert!"

I raked my thoughts trying to think of something witty to shoot back. "At... a-at least I don't get off when someone reads off the periodic table! When I stop at Lawrencium, you've already have had your fun. If anyone is a pervert it's you."

Rebecca was taken aback before lashing out quickly, "At least I'm not a coffeephile!"

"At least I'm not a nerd!"

It seemed like we were butting heads and it was getting us nowhere fast. "This is all your fault," She cupped her face in humiliation. "Ngh, why did you have to steal my book?"

"My fault?! I was just playing around with you."

She did something she never did. She rose her voice. And to me no less. It broke the silence of the already empty library. "I told you not to and you did! How do you think that makes me feel?"

"Rebecca, really? You're being irrational." I scoffed.

"Irrational?! Why do you think I read these books? I like hearing about other people's relationships. Then I compare it to mine and I feel so terrible. I know I shouldn't but I do. Tweek," she took a little breath, the pseudo-argument about nothing was over. "Are we weird?"

God, please strike me down where I stand. Uh, if you don't I'll be Satan's new pool boy...? Please God, oh stupid merciful God! "Where the hell did that come from? We aren't weird."

"But other couples-" she started up again, holding up the book for emphasis.

"Do you see what's wrong starting at the cover?" I snatched away the book, pointing to the busty clad woman and the rippled man who had muscles on his muscles. "It's not even remotely realistic. You know it's bad when Butters has a whole collection. Everyone else is just like us, we aren't even remotely weird."

I didn't even notice a certain woman until she spoke up. "Hate to burst your conformist prattle but you're both pretty weird."

I think me and Rebecca nearly hopped out of our skin seeing the pale, black clothed woman who just butted in.

The question is: How much did she hear? That's a _little_ embarrassing. She strolled up to me, pilfering the novel. Henrietta then ambled up to the frizzy haired girl, a fire glowing in her eyes.

"But that's what compliments you both, don't be stupid Rebecca." She reeled back and slapped her promptly in her face. With the book. Hard. Rebecca reeled back from the surprising swat with a hurt expression. "Stop reading this garbage. You're not forty, your fucking twenty-three."

She blinked back the stinging in her now pink cheek, "But Henrietta-"

The Goth let the novel connect with her face again. "Stop being stupid, you're supposed to be the brains. You and your conformist infatuation, take it and leave. Your shift is over." Henrietta waved a hand at the two of us, ushering for us to leave. "Get out of here already. I like a quiet library."

Rebecca ducked out of her friend's way, hiding behind my form as Henrietta sat back in the wooden chair, slamming the romance novel down and bringing up her own.

The poodle haired girl stole a few glances at the book on the desk, sighing loudly. "Guess I need something new to read but first, why don't we stop by the café? Then maybe we can go home and... find a few coffee filters?"

"Only if I can read you the periodic table," I sipped the rest of my coffee in my cup. "Just don't imagine that Maxwell sailing your boat anytime soon or I'll have to give him the ol' one, two."

Rebecca clasped her hands together, blurting out quickly, "That reminds me... I'm throwing away the coffee machine." with that she hurried down the hallway to the exit, leaving me with Henrietta.

I gave a nervous glance behind me to the Goth who rolled her eyes, slipping back into one of her poetry novels.

I hurried after, calling out. "Re-Rebecca! You know me and that coffee machine and I have a good thing going on!"

What I didn't know, was that after we left, Henrietta put down her novel and picked up Rebecca's, reading it with anticipation.


End file.
